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The Beard Revered

November 5, 2018

 

 

“The beard signifies the courageous; the beard distinguishes the grown men, the earnest, the active, the vigorous.” –St Augustine

“Growing a beard is a habit most natural, scriptural, manly, and beneficial.” –C.H.Spurgeon

“This, then, is the mark of the man, the beard. By this, he is seen to be a man.” –Clement of Alexandria

“A beard is a gift you give to your face.” –The Internet

 

It is time to revere the beard. This manly facial feature has made a great comeback as of late, and I, for one, am on beard. I mean, on board. I don’t grow one myself, of course, being the High Brau Frau, but my brewmaster husband has a respectable beard that he gave to his face. Since we are living in a golden age of beardedness, we at Copper State decided to throw a World Beard Day party, where we promote and elevate the global status of the beard.

 

Since I like to educate the masses, here is some hirsute history:

 

Beard Day has been celebrated around the world for many years. But where did this seemingly odd tradition come from? Well, in my extensive research for this blog, I found this:

 

 “The exact origins of World Beard Day are unknown, but there is some evidence to suggest that Danish Vikings had a special day dedicated to the glorification of beards as far back as 800 AD. The event was not held on a fixed date, and was often celebrated hundreds of times each year. This early incarnation of what would one day become World Beard Day typically involved the ransacking of neighbouring towns, villages and countries by large groups of heavily-armed bearded men.” (www.worldbeardday.com)

 

Nowadays, as a rule, World Beard Day is celebrated on the first Saturday in September, but in the spirit of the ofttimes rebellious nature of beards, we are celebrating in November instead.  Traditionally, there are competitions and sports played on World Beard Day, always Bearded vs. the Non-bearded, with the beardless team being heavily handicapped. Often the beardless team has fewer players or is made up entirely of children. Or sometimes the beardless team is blind-folded, bound and gagged. In Spain, there is a boxing match between a bearded man and a beardless boy, and the bearded man gets a pike. We will have a bunch of games to celebrate Beard Day at the brewery, but we ask that you leave your pikes at home (or this might be the last WBD party we hold).

 

On World Beard Day, it is customary for the bearded to relax and partake in no jobs, and what better place to do that than at Copper State Brewing Company? Sit back and let us pour you a beer while you break bread with your bearded brethren in your favorite gathering space.

 

And meanwhile, enjoy these random but true beard facts:

·       The longest beard in the world, grown by Hans Langseth in 1927 (and for many previous years, I’m sure, seeing as how a man’s beard grows an average of 5.5 inches per year). It measured in at a staggering 17 feet 6 inches long. The Smithsonian Museum in Washington has his beard in storage. When we called to ask them to bring it to our Beard Day event, they neglected to return our phone calls.

·       Beards make you 63% more likely to win a staring contest.

·       If you study beards professionally, you are a Pogonologist. You are also most likely unemployed and living in your mom’s basement wearing Star Wars jammies.

·       If you have pogonophobia, you have an irrational fear of beards. You probably then also have an irrational fear of hipsters.  

·       The average mustache will trap a pint and a half of beer per year. So there’s that. Some breweries have been known to use yeast that was grown in a man’s beard. We do not do that, as that is gross. You’re welcome.

·       A man who shaves spends roughly 3,350 hours of his life in the bathroom. That’s 3,350 hours that could have been spent at Copper State.

·       To add earnestness to a royal message, a king would attach three beard hairs to the wax seal. If I could pluck three of the brewmaster’s beard hairs and attach it to this blog post, I would. Consider it an earnest message.   

 

In the Swedish village of Dönskborg, anyone without a beard is banished from the town and forced to spend twenty-four hours in a nearby forest. Back in the town, the hirsute burn effigies of their clean-chinned loved ones. We will never banish any of you from Copper State; we will even allow the beardless ones to make their own beards for the day and pretend to be among the exonhairated.

 

Whether you’re beardless or bountifully beardful, we hope you come and honor the rich history of the beard with us at Copper State.

Don’t like the beard trend? Well, give it some time; it might grow on you.

 

 

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